errant ravings

i woke up

Fri, 13 Aug 2010 05:44:46 -0400

i just want to stay in and listen to music

caress or destroy

Fri, 02 Jul 2010 02:14:32 -0400

fingertips powerful enough to tear through my ribcage
nails press against heart
wordlessly beckon you to do what you will
time and breathing stop
no room for fear now
to have and to hold

like stop

Tue, 29 Jun 2010 01:51:09 -0400

the only terrible things i want to do to you are the ones that make you scream words that you don’t mean.

if i go to sleep

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 05:36:08 -0400

the music stops

static

Fri, 21 May 2010 03:01:20 -0400

I have missed the noise.
The beautiful noise.

All of the layers.
All of the chaos.

Crafted.
Created.
Crashing.

It bristles at the ignorant.
Pushing away the simple.

Begging to be pealed apart.
To be understood.
To be embraced.

Let it wash over you.
Get lost.
Drown.

Wake up and feel the cold of silence.
Come back to the noise.

if i could just hear you breathe behind me

Mon, 21 Dec 2009 11:34:08 -0500

my stress level wouldn’t even be measurable right now

the peace you bring me by just being there is amazing and it’s why i notice each second when you aren’t within arms reach

not that i need it, but it’s the nicest thing in the world to have close

because your target audience is on at 1am on a Sunday night

Mon, 21 Dec 2009 01:05:26 -0500

no they aren’t

you are an idiot

you don’t know how to use that which you promote

you, social media tool

the thing about transitional stages in life

Fri, 11 Dec 2009 18:53:45 -0500

is that no matter how old you are, explaining it to your parents before you have it all figured out, is always a big pain in the ass

i will never refer to someone as 'my boo'

Fri, 11 Dec 2009 02:27:41 -0500

‘my’ anything is hard enough

silent grenade

Fri, 13 Nov 2009 12:47:54 -0500

People who are nonconfrontational cause more chaos with their inaction than they can control. And when they lose control, the destruction from the pent-up energy does more damage than all of their drama queen friends combined.

Say it now before it explodes.

social animals

Tue, 10 Nov 2009 10:06:38 -0500

everyone has this wall
that they cannot cross
they have to fight for themselves
they cannot ask for help
they cannot seem weak
yet they cannot handle it
it consumes them
with things they hate
things they are above
things they persecute others for

our moments of weakness define us
they make us bristle
everyone has them
everyone knows everyone has them
yet we continue to hide
we continue to judge

we are not alone
but we want to be

those couples, they make me ache

Tue, 10 Nov 2009 02:46:27 -0500

for us

everybody that thinks they're somebody, when they're nobody

Tue, 13 Oct 2009 23:20:09 -0400

personal matters

Fri, 09 Oct 2009 20:24:00 -0400

why don’t you take it personally?
fuck you, for making me feel guilty for making it matter
how many daily activities do you go through the paces on just to pass the time?
if it doesn’t it matter, you don’t matter

something changed tonight

Fri, 02 Oct 2009 05:41:39 -0400

i found myself inspired by the internet again, all it took was a familiar soundtrack from my impressionable days. here’s hoping it’s the start of everything real.

walk

Thu, 01 Oct 2009 01:45:43 -0400

So apparently, if I have trouble sleeping, then you get something to wake up to. I get left with my thoughts, and my habits lately have been to frustrate myself with unanswerable career goals questions to the point I make myself even more awake. So I escape, to peaceful thoughts of you, us, and the endless possibilities.

Funny how possibilities with you make me happy and don’t intimidate me at all. I trust them to work themselves out and make sense for the both of us. That no matter what, we will emerge as stronger people and closer to discovering our true selves.

The possibilities with my career fill me with apprehension. It’s evolving into this fear of choosing the wrong path, the fear of losing more time, having less of an impact on… something I can’t define. Each question leads to another and I’m walking in circles. Taking a look in the same corner just to make sure I didn’t miss a way forward. There are plenty of exits, but they all have known ends. Ends that I, at least, know that I don’t want.

I want to live life. I grew tired of only living for the future, for a time where I had everything and everyone, that didn’t actually exist. I found that living that way prevents you from making actual meaningful connections with people and personal interests in yourself. You fall victim to repeated habits with predictable and safe outcomes. Where it doesn’t matter if life skips a beat, because it’s already repeated itself before you could notice.

At times, I feel paralyzed by the possibility of doing nothing that matters. Which encourages a very worthless cycle. Until I identify what I want to affect, what I want to matter, it feels impossible to define a solution to make that impact happen. This is where my wheels begin to spin until they melt and shut down entirely. I will keep trying, something will reveal itself, it always has, and it’s where the core of my trust in reality resides, so I don’t have a choice or a single doubt.

Once, I’m satisfied with my efforts for that round. I need peace. I need sanity. I need order. I need fuel. I need a fix. Just to remind me that I know what the fuck I’m doing. A tangible example of something I’m proud of being a part of. At this moment in time, I keep going back to, us. For me, we are the culmination of a quarter-life’s worth of experiences. Some that make sense, others that were out of control, all which made both of us who we are.

I feel as if our paths crossed a while ago, and we were walking along side one another, fully expecting the other one to break off and head in the opposite direction. That didn’t happen, and eventually, and nearly simultaneously, we reached out for each other’s hand when we realized this part of the journey was meant for us to share it. Even now, we both seem to be looking in different directions, all around us, but we continue to walk forward, hand in hand. I’ve already noticed the opportunities don’t seem as gray and lifeless, even if I’ve seen them before. I see new ways to make more out of what is close by. I’m finding new and unique intricacies in the things I was most familiar with. New ways to be happy, new value to that happiness, and a renewed trust in its existence and power. Even if it isn’t everlasting or it wavers, I know it’s out there and still worth reaching for and holding again.

It is the strength that comes from our chemistry that has taken what should have been one the biggest trials of my life and broken it into manageable steps. It has put so much of what makes me who I am into proper perspective. Parts of my soul that I buried are waking up and reminding me that I need to be whole to be alive. I’d almost given up on the lover and artist within me. But after just a few teases of expression for both, I can feel that fire starting to take over for where my career/goal/impact self has stumbled lately.

All I know is that when both of those woke up, you were close by. I wanted to express those to you, and I don’t fight my natural inspiration. There’s nothing more pure or real to me, and there’s nothing I trust more. I love you and I hope you’ve felt that from me all along even when it was too sane to say it.

but she is fucking evil

Tue, 22 Sep 2009 02:58:56 -0400

I long to stay, yet fear to stop. My limbs are tied down but...

Thu, 17 Sep 2009 12:20:00 -0400

I long to stay, yet fear to stop.

My limbs are tied down but cannot take root while my heart and soul continue to wander.

I’m just passing through while standing still.

idealism is not a weakness

Mon, 31 Aug 2009 17:05:32 -0400

i’m sorry you gave up on perfection

honor out of fear is service, not loyalty

Fri, 28 Aug 2009 11:15:17 -0400

honor those that make you better. do not surround yourself with yes men that will let you build your country on matchsticks.